Should you been reading this blog for a while now, you probably know that besides sharing my travel stories, there’s something else I share without using any kind of infiltration – except photos, of course: my thoughts in all sorts of life issues.
My travel stories are always leading the way both on this blog and in my life. Besides that though, when you’re almost constantly on the move, you cannot help but contemplate on life, passion and feelings. Some of these thoughts, I’m going to share with you on this post – since traveling.
So, here I am, on the 7th floor of my hotel in Bangkok, chilling by the pool, the widest smile on my face. By myself. Thoughts rushing in – I cannot stop them when I’m alone, I know that by now. It is the time when a restless talk with myself begins.
Why are you alone, it begins. I’m not alone, I reply – I’m just not in a relationship, I’m free. Literally free: free to live, to travel, get to know new people, new experiences, new cultures. To indulge into new temptations – meaning those kinds of feelings to get me carried away in a distant part of the world for a few hours, a few days and feel me with joy.
When we are traveling we are, or at least feel, younger, more free and open. It’s easier for us to start talking with a total stranger, find the characteristics and interests we have in common – even with someone we never imagined we would share anything. When we’re traveling, we’re given the opportunity and maybe the excuse we’re looking for, to try something new, to wear something that makes us feel confident, to laugh with our heart without caring of any weird looks.
Nothing is holding us back, we’re free to re-invent ourselves and our image from scratch and be who we really, deeply want to be. Backpack in our shoulders, smile on our faces, freedom written all over our eyes: this is the most realistic version of ourselves, free to get lost in a magical trip.
And just like that, as we’re wandering around some unknown place of the earth, adrenaline high, seeking for adventure and, maybe romance, we’re ready to meet he or she who we share the some sparkle in our eyes, the same restless need of adventure and exploration – and just like that we fall in love. We fall in love for a day, 2 weeks, a month, till the road do us apart.
The last 2 years I’ve made a choice: to travel as much as I can. It isn’t a full time thing, nor business travels. These are personal trips to feed my “appetite” for the unknown, my need for the unexplored, the different, the unique. These last 2 years I’ve visited more than 10 non-European countries – mostly on my own. These last 2 years, I’ve selected not to be in a relationship, even though I had the chance and I there were times I almost “broke”.
When I chose traveling, I realised that it was my heart that chose to wander, to constantly seek. It is mainly the reason why, after my 5-year relationship in Italy, I haven’t invested time and affection to “build” a new one. I’m not ready to settle just yet, to live something permanent.
I’ve chosen to be alone or in other words, to be free. With time, I’ve learned to love and take care of myself, to not depend on someone else to do so. I’ve learned to find comfort inside that loneliness and ultimately, I’ve learned to enjoy my independence. I live my life with my own rules and you know what? I love that phase of my life!
I don’t know if this is a phase that is going to last or how long is it going to be but right now, all I can think about while standing on this rooftop, as the darkness falls and everything turns into a romantic scenery, is that guy a few floors below who was waiting for me yesterday to grab some dinner together. And you know what? For a moment, it crosses my mind that, for him, I could leave everything behind in order to travel by his side. Just like that promise we’ve made with someone else to travel to Latin America together and right now he’s miles away and I think I miss him.
But then I realise that I wouldn’t trade this long-awaited freedom with anything.
It’ll maybe come a day when I will fall deeply in love with someone, or someone will love me as much as I do love traveling. But for now, all I do is keep staring at the horizon and walking towards unfound new paths. I’m single but I’m not alone. I’m free, not feeling any kind of loneliness.
I really don’t because the whole world stands by me – I’m free to explore it without boundaries.